“Steal the beer, meet the girls, get them drunk and try to get some.”

Image

Brad Perry discusses the lessons that young adolescent boys are taught – get girls drunk so that they will want to sleep with you, without any concern of her own sexual pleasure. As he discusses his encounter with a young girl who after four beers continues to say no as he continuously paws at her, it made me realize just how easily sexual violence can be brushed off. Brad Perry mentions that the first time she says no, he is confused and keeps trying because he was told by peers that getting girls drunk is how to have a sexual encounter with them. I used to think that sexual violence and rape meant that you are held down in an alley way and brutally raped by a stranger. I’m sure I’m not alone with this kind of thinking, because we are not properly informed in sexual education what a healthy sexuality means. Women are constantly taught not to go out walking late at night, not to wear short dresses/skirts or they are asking for it, etc. These types of ‘prevention’ tactics make it seem like women are going to get raped by a stranger. But the sad reality is that, rape and sexual violence is more prevalent than predators in an alley way. The part where he mentions that a close friend of his was raped by her boyfriend is proof that rape can happen anywhere, by anyone. Boys are taught, “get girls drunk and you will get some” and men brush off accusations of rape with, “boys will be boys.” These types of lessons are so prevalent in popular culture, whether it is as subtle as the lyrics of, “Blurred Lines” or as direct as the plot in movies such as Super Bad and American Pie. These lessons that boys and men are taught around sexuality might be the reason why rape culture and sexual violence will continue to flourish. This should not just be a women’s issue, men are just as much involved.

-Cierra

Advertisements

10 thoughts on ““Steal the beer, meet the girls, get them drunk and try to get some.”

  1. fembu14 says:

    Awesome post Cierra! You’re so right when you said that this is a men’s issue just as much as it is a women’s issue.

    -Kristen C

  2. rwoohoo says:

    I agree with you that it is both a men’s and women’s issue. I believe that to start to rid the world of rape culture women have to begin to recognize our contribution to the culture as well. I’ll admit I’ve looked at a women’s outfit and commented on how I found it slutty, but we must stop this behavior. By beginning to change the way we think there is potential of positively influencing the males in our lives and in turn rape culture.

  3. fembu14 says:

    Great blog post, Cierra! I used to think the same as you in that rape only happened in “sketchy” areas by complete strangers, its sickening and saddening to realize rape happens anywhere and is brought on by anyone, but often by someone close to the victim. Also, love the use of the Superbad picture!

    -Kelsey S

  4. fembu14 says:

    Awesome post, Cierra! I agree that rape culture involves women just as much as it involves men. I also used to picture rape as being a super violent act between a girl and a random stranger that they don’t know. It is absolutely disgusting that some men seem to think that they have control over every part of a girl when they are in a relationship with them. Rape culture is a scary topic within feminine culture and I think it needs to be challenged and changed immediately!

    Michelle E.

  5. Carissa Taylor says:

    The issue, to me, is all about consent. Can people consent when they’re drunk? I’d argue no. Just because a woman is semi-conscious and not saying “no” does not mean that she wants to fuck.

    Here’s a great video I found over the weekend about consent. I found the visual helpful. http://www.upworthy.com/do-i-have-your-consent-to-show-you-this-video-about-the-part-of-sex-thats-often-overlooked?c=ufb1

    • Shaylyn says:

      Something that really depresses me is how often people don’t consider the issue of consent to even BE an issue unless the girl is actively protesting. You see it all the time in movies and music and in real life. Even if people acknowledge that rape is an issue, they only consider it rape in the first place if she’s actually saying no and struggling. I remember there was a quote in one of the books we read for class (I can’t be bothered to actually look up the source, sorry) where a man was describing his “ideal rape victim” as being a religious virgin who was thoroughly brutalized. Apparently rape only counts if it IS brutal – meanwhile girls who get taken advantage of if they’re super drunk or something are joked about and ignored.

  6. Mariah Swaine says:

    Trust me Cierra, I used to think that most rapes that occurred usually happened somewhere secluded and that it was a complete stranger who attacked the victim which obviously is not true. It can happen in a variety of contexts including with people you know which can be even more scary if you built up trust with them in the first place. I agree with Carissa as well about the concept of consent. I don’t believe it’s consent if a person agrees to have sex with someone when they are totally tanked. They aren’t in the right frame of mind and the person that keeps asking them and asking them if they want to have sex are basically taking advantage of the other individual when they are very vulnerable. I think awareness in terms of talking about this issue with boys and girls should be discussed a lot more so they will know what is consent and when yes really means yes. Great post Cierra!

  7. I totally agree with you, and i like the fact that brad talks about how sexual violence is not only commited by a girl being pinned to the ground and getting rapped, he says that it could also happen when a girl is forced to have sex with out her agreeing to it, just like getting her drunk. we need to teach our boys differently and make them understand the violence which society can make them commit because of the social norms by placing them into the “masculinity” box.

  8. fembu14 says:

    You are completely right by saying that people view rape as being held down and brutally raped in an alley! That’s most definitely how I viewed rape until we discussed other scenarios. I feel as though that is the only kind of rape that is punished within our society because unconsensual sex in the context of a drunk girl at a party is very socialized within our society especially through movies and such. This is frightening to me, men need to be aware that NO means NO!
    Kristie

  9. sydneycs6 says:

    That was me too, I really thought rape was this scary thing that happened to people in dark, sketchy alleys. Not something that could happen between friends or even husband and wife. It’s crazy that women aren’t told that if you “aren’t in the mood” on a certain night with your significant other, and they just take it anyway, that it’s rape. I mean, that just seems like a crazy thought if you’re married. It’s also frustrating to go to the bar and never be able to shake a guy you don’t want to dance with (it’s like rape with clothes on lol) You’re there with your friends, just relaxing and having a good time, and this guy just keeps coming up to dance with you. You move, he follows, you move again, same thing, you walk away, guess who’s behind you. You can even turn around and tell them “NO” and they won’t even be listening to you. Just because a girl goes out to the bar with her friends, wearing a shorter than normal skirt, or even a low cut top, doesn’t ever give a guy the right not to listen or get the hint that she isn’t interested… Same with going home with them, if we don’t want it, go find someone who does. If we do want it, why the hell are we judged for it?? There’s really no winning.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: